The evolutionary process of life on Earth has thrown up some of the world’s most beatuiful creatures. The elegance of the swan, the nobility of the lion, the clownishness of the chimp; these are iconic images that we don’t think we could ever live without if it turns out Gore is right.

However, some of the creatures on Earth are little more than shadow-crawlers; awkward, dangerous or just plain eerie malformations that send a shiver down your spine whenever you happen to catch your eye on them. These are the background cast of nature documentaries. They look weird, do weird things and make you wish they were dead.

The Long-Eared Owl

Maybe it’s the ears that make this one so unearthly, maybe it’s their numerous appearances in horror films, maybe it’s the strange feeling you get that you’re being watched by one right now and suddenly catching sight of it would cause it to disappear in a puff of smoke. If owls are the wise old elders of the bird family, then long-eared owls are the gaunt, whispering guys who creep up to you at night and tell of the horrors they’ve seen, before knifing you.

The Naked Mole Rat

If life was an 80s’ Bruce Campbell gorefest, then the naked mole rat would be the star of the scene where a dead man’s penis comes alive and burrows into someone’s brain. No self-respecting warm-blooded mammal should scuttle. That’s rule one of mammal school. We’re meant to stroll right into town, not scurry along like a rubbery worm with teeth and legs.

The Angler Fish

Ah the deep sea, geographically speaking the closest place to Hades. Say what you like about the artistry of the calm, blue ocean, we all know that’s where the monsters live. Providing you with the only form of light, the angler fish, little more than a head of teeth, is the murderer who picks up hitchhikers, but under the sea.

The Aye-Aye

Oh holy Mary Mother of God! What is it? From what crevasse of Hell did this deformity arise? Surely, Gollum was a fictional character? The Aye-aye is the world’s largest nocturnal primate. It is also a harbinger of doom. In Madagascar where it lives, it is viewed as a bringer of evil, being killed on sight. According to Wikipedia,  the Sakalava people claim Aye-ayes sneak into houses through the thatched roofs, murdering sleeping occupants by piercing the victim’s aorta with their elongated middle finger. Unbound by a duty to uphold the truth, I can confirm that this is definitely true.

The Marabou Stork

Known as ‘the undertaker bird’, marabou storks are those eerie, feathered things you see striding past in the background on wildlife shows. Whilst lions are snarling at jackals in a macho drama of the savannah, marabou storks are always a strange blur in the distance, watching silently, pleased with the tension. Eating anything from termites to carrion to pelican chicks, some of these unholy demons have even been seen snatching domestic cats and toddlers (citation needed). Next time Attenborough is narrating a documentary about the dry season having left thousands of carcasses baking in the sun, make sure you squint into the distant haze. There you will see a marabou stork, laughing quietly to itself.