Bees Can’t Fly

Bees can’t fly; scientifically, their tiny wings beat too slowly to lift their fat hairy bodies. Science must be wrong; it’s some kind of conspiracy!

Let’s talk about flies.
More precisely, bees, which can’t Fly that is.

I’ll repeat that for clarity: Mathematically, a bumblebee cannot fly. The poor thing’s wings are simply not big enough, nor do they beat at a sufficient rate, to maintain airspeed velocity.

It’s also been argued that since (a) Nelly is an elephant and (b), Nelly is pink, that therefore (c); all elephants must be pink.

The statement that bees cannot fly is illogical, since nature clearly demonstrates that elephants are grey. Therefore, it is man’s understanding of mathematics, or more particularly quantum physics, that is flawed.

I knew a quantum physicist once, but he was all washed up. He’d climbed the heights of academic glory and fallen back to earth a broken but much richer man. His favourite topic of conversation was bees. He’d made the study of them his whole life, and in particular, how it is that bees are able to fly.
And he’d cracked it.

He told me once, when he was extremely drunk, that he had solved the equation of bumblebee flight, and in so doing devised a working theory for anti-gravity technology. That is not to say that bees defy gravity, more that we do not fully understand how gravity works. This quantum chap did, and with his knowledge designed a prototype for a flying car.
The design made him a rich man; the technology was bought up and immediately suppressed.
So I asked this quantum physicist, why would anyone suppress an invention like that?
And he replied; “Why do you think? The buyer was an oil company. The damn car ran on honey.”

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11 Responses to “Bees Can’t Fly”
  1. Lucy Lockett Says...

    On March 20, 2007 at 5:34 pm

    I really enjoy this argument about the anomalies of nature.Most of us are not smart enough to make money out of it but the new ‘bio fuel’ industry has sure opened more doors for the quick and clever ones!


  2. Samuel Z Jones Says...

    On April 30, 2008 at 1:04 pm

    Arg, no! Bio-Fuels bad! Seriously, seriously bad!

    I’ve also since discovered that bees are solar powered.


  3. Billy Says...

    On July 17, 2008 at 9:23 am

    Uhhh, and since “mathmatecally, bees can’t fly” is one of those funny, but obviously rediculous urban myths, it’s even more doubtful that the code has been cracked.


  4. Peyton Keene Says...

    On July 17, 2008 at 11:57 am

    Have we all become masters of the obvious because we clearly all agree that bees CAN fly? Some of these comments seem strange to me, in that they seem to advance obvious “truisms” as an argument for nothing.

    1. Almost all life on earth is solar powered, in one form or another WE are solar powered.

    2. Anything in the air that has weight and is resisting the pull of the planet is using anti-gravity technology. This includes butterflies and rocks we throw into the air.

    3. Like every simple truth we have not learned to see yet, it all seems very complicated. It is a good thing then that life has found a way to teach us the errors in our understandings.

    Would we ever learn this particular aerodynamic secret without the bee? Take care of the planet, these secrets are disappearing from our collective understanding right before our very eyes ostencibly to get us to the supermarket more conveniently.


  5. BeesAreTrees Says...

    On November 26, 2008 at 6:42 pm

    Well students todays lesson is about books. you read a book uve read a book. and thats that! so i hop that answers your queston and remember to have your hamsters checked for aids!


  6. Sachin Pareek Says...

    On January 5, 2009 at 1:34 am

    Bees can fly because they don’t know the theory of aerodynamics…………….


  7. Samuel Z Jones Says...

    On January 10, 2009 at 6:52 am

    Chuckle. Some people obviously didn’t read to the bottom or else just didn’t get the punchline. Or maybe its just not funny.

    Its absolutely true that bees can’t fly on their wings alone; and they don’t. This question perplexed scientists for years, that’s how it became an urban myth.

    Fortunately the truth came out a last; bees can only fly when it is sufficiently sunny, because the heat warms cavities in their bodies that expand and act like buoyancy aids to reduce weight. So far from being too un-aerodynamic to fly, bees are in fact an extremely aerodynamic hot-air balloon.


  8. bob Says...

    On January 24, 2009 at 3:11 pm

    Sorry, Samuel, people didn’t get it and it wasn’t that funny. For all you people who don’t get it (I’m looking at you, Sachin): scientists know how bees fly, even if they didn’t they would never say “bees cannot fly,” and most importantly not knowing a law of nature doesn’t mean you get to ignore it!


  9. Warren Says...

    On February 24, 2010 at 3:45 pm

    Ah, but what was the precise quantum of honey involved, and were the car’s tires made of dark matter…?


  10. Carl Says...

    On February 21, 2011 at 8:48 am

    “Anything in the air that has weight and is resisting the pull of the planet is using anti-gravity technology. This includes butterflies and rocks we throw into the air”

    That is a false argument.

    The term “anti-gravity technology” does not refer to negating gravitic force with an equally large or larger force in the opposite direction. It refers to negating the actual cause of gravity.

    Of course it is all very fictional but think of it like not curing the symptoms of falling but rather stopping the disease itself.

    A sciene-fiction scenario might be a bubble or force field of sorts in which all gravity fields are negated. A protected container where gravity does not apply.

    Again: the resulting force pull from gravity is not related to anti-gravity technology.


  11. Samuel Z Jones Says...

    On February 23, 2011 at 6:53 pm

    Carl…

    I’ll leave aside that it should be obvious that this article was intended as a joke; I realise it’s not particularly funny, it’s a cheap gag that might work when told in the pub, but on paper it falls flats.

    Anyway… the argument for how bees fly is *not* a false argument. It’s a BS argument, certainly, being complete bosh from beginning to end. But it’s not a false or fallacious argument in the sense you mean.

    Yours is though; first, nit-picking over the precise meaning of “Anti-gravity technology” is the fallacy of equivocation. Second, citing a presumed fallacy as the basis of your argument is in itself a fallacy; the fallacy-fallacy.

    So you fail logic. =)


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