Why Sharks Should Not Have Legs

Picture a shark inside your head. If you’re doing this right, your mental image should consist of a tiny shark squeezed somewhere between your brain and your spinal column, floundering around with its useless fins. Good job. Now imagine that shark has legs, and it is freely leaping from lobe to lobe devouring everything in sight as sharks are known to do. Now scream and run in terror, because that shark with legs is your worst nightmare come true.

If sharks had legs, nobody would be safe from the unending reign of terror that would soon follow. We would have to build large boats on wheels so that the sharks wouldn’t be able to catch us. Some of us might actually move onto real boats in the real ocean, just to get away from the threat of shark attack.

Sharks with legs may sound sort of fun and cuddly, but that’s only because you did not have a happy childhood. In the real world, there is no defense known to man that could successfully thwart an army of determined legged sharks coming to feed.

I asked a scientist what he thought would happen to the world if sharks had legs, and he calmly laid down and died.

In my own opinion, the only way to stop sharks with legs from killing everyone would be to download the Somanabolic Muscle Maximizer so that we could all be strong enough to take on the sharks in hand to hand combat. Sharks are immune to spears and nuclear weapons, so the only thing we have left is our own two hands.